It's goin' down; I'm yellin' TINDER.

Welcome to the first edition of Tinder Tuesdays! Each Tuesday, I'll share some interesting, ridiculous and quite possibly terrifying experiences with the revolutionary app known to many as Tinder. (Known to me as 'a/s/l?' Version 2.0.)

So, if you've been in a relationship living under a rock for all of 2013 and some of 2014, you may be asking, 'What is this glorious representation of humankind packed into a little flame-embellished square on my iPhone or Android operating system?' Well dear noob friend, Tinder is a 'dating' app. I use the term 'dating' loosely here.

Here's a picture for reference:

Martin is too perfect to actually exist, and is obviously
 the product of a Charlotte York-inspired lucid dream.

You can edit your match settings to reflect your preferred age range, gender and distance/radius up to 100 miles. (Gurl, if you are willing to drive 100 miles for some D, based off of 4 pictures and a mutual interest in Bernie Mac, you seriously need to reevaluate your priorities... Think of all the tacos you could buy with that gas money.) Once you get your profile set up, you're immersed in an abyss of shirtless men, Will Ferrel quotes, gym selfies and guys who still don't understand the difference between 'you're' and 'your'.

Tinder is basically a matter of yes or no. You scroll through their pictures, read their 'about me', and see if you have any mutual friends or interests (all pulled from FB). You swipe right (or tap the heart) for 'yeah, you don't make me fear for my life; the chances of you murdering me and ending up on an A&E special are low.' Swipe left (or tap the x)  for 'I would rather go on date with my creepy high school gym teacher.' If both you and your Tinderomeo 'like' each other after this thorough analysis of personalities and desired characteristics, you are declared a match and you can begin engaging in a rousing conversation of world politics, local brews or 'tits or gtfo.'

Ah, here's one that looks a little more Tinder-Typical.

I'm sure you do, Max. I'm sure you do.

How did I become such a Tinderella? Well, I first downloaded the app sometime in the summer, after a friend told me she was on it and I judged her for the entire length of the Shoreway. And then I obviously went home and immediately downloaded it. I think Tinder is kind of like Cheez Whiz.... you pretend like it's shameful and disgusting, but secretly go home and obsess over it while watching trashy reality tv.

After I started to encounter people that made me question the amount of lead paint still being used today, I knew I could not keep this barrel-of-laughs factory to myself. I've convinced at least ten people to download it; mainly so we can send screen shots of these goons back and forth and feel better about our lives and our choices, but also so we can be together on the front lines in the battle of singleness and feel a collective hopelessness for our options out there. Maybe you'll join me too!

Buckle up and prepare yourselves for the wide world Tinder; I've got some good stories and screen shots lined up. You'll laugh, you'll cry and you'll wonder if there are large communities living and breeding under power lines.

I'd like to thank all my friends for Tindering for the good of (wo)mankind, as well as all the douche bags and weirdos for giving us such great material to work with.

Creep on,

Samantha Single in CLE