How to Meet Famous People on Tinder, In Two Easy Steps

What?? You're telling me you still don't have Tinder? What are you waiting for? I mean, everyone has it. Even completely legitimate famous people.

Here's how to meet some creeps and weirdos totally real celebrities:

1. Download Tinder. It only costs your dignity. It's free. You just need a smart phone and a dumb face. If you don't have a smart phone, go jump off the Detroit-Superior bridge I'm sure someone has an old 3GS laying around that they would actually pay you to take. Once you have a smart phone, use your opposable thumbs to find the App Store. If you don't have opposable thumbs; navigate your way to the App Store by poking your screen with your index fingers like a technology-illiterate mom. Don't have any digits? I'm sorry. There's probably an app for that.

2. Start scrolling to meet your future famous fling! You did it! Congratulations! After all that hard work, you deserve to meet someone who will treat you right, take you to fancy dinners and help you land a starring role in the hit t.v. show Catfish Pretty Little Liars.

Here's just a few of the possibilities I stumbled across:

Jesus. Who, in an obvious effort to keep up with kids these days with their Jay-Zs and their Lil' Waynes, now goes by 'Gigi'.

And who's surprised that He's Canadian?

Famous actors, like Russell Brand. (Not to be confused with Jesus... I always mix up their quotes.)

  “I couldn't possibly have sex with someone
with such a slender grasp on grammar!” - Jesus

Shitty Famous Athletes.

This guy looks like he has the intelligence level of a Kevin Hart meme.

Severus Snape: Half-Blood Prince. Potions master. Lily Potter admirer. Jazz connoisseur.

"Severus, were you the one listening to the
Miles Davis Pandora station, after all this time?"
"Always."

Political activists, such as Guy Fawkes. You can't see it, but his 'about me' says, "Don't worry, I won't commit treason on your heart. #lessonlearned"

"Remember, remember... That Pretty Little Liars is on Tuesdays."

Famous musicians, like this guy who probably played that killer sax part in Men at Work's 'Who Can It Be Now?'

"I didn't choose the sax life; the sax life chose me."

Pokemon Gym Leaders. I'm not sure what Greg's badge is, but it looks like he might lead the Parma gym location.

 

Greg's Parma Gym is located in a shopping plaza
in between Dots and the local butcher shop.

Now go get yourself a winner!

Singly yours,
Samantha Single in CLE